Parenting a child with a severe emotional disorder (SED)/serious mental illness (SMI) may take a lot of special planning. Things other families can take for granted, for example, holiday celebrations at Grandma’s house, a family vacation or even a quick trip to K-Mart, can require extra care and planning. Even something as simple as a much needed date night for parents when the child is staying at home can become a nightmare.

Things other families can allow to happen, such as first dates, second grade and birthday parties can cause unbelievable stress, not just to the person or family as a unit, but also to marriages. Some of those things may happen on schedule. Other activities may happen in ways that make family members wish they hadn’t tried or wish they would have waited.

Devastation on the part of somone who is in a situation they feel ill equipped to handle, frustration when there is no place for a person to escape from a trigger (such as noise) or anger, are common reactions to situational stress. What can save the trip, outing or party may be good planning.
 
What needs to happen in your family for the family’s mutual good?

Do the parents need special scheduled time away? If so how can it be accomplished with minimal disruption?

How can family rules be made plain, consistent and easy to remember?

Are there things that we can do to help everyone get along more peacefully (at parties, holidays, while camping, etc)?

What are some ways we can minimize conflicts over essential things? Can an IEP buy some time in the mornings? Or can shower times be negotiated in a different order?

What is a realistic expectation for an ill family member - not too much/not too little - and how can we all find the happy medium?

How can we give each child the positive time they need without slighting the others?

How can we plan trips to the mall or the store? Is such a trip advisable or necessary, or is it just asking for trouble? How can it be done otherwise?

What can the family do to spend peaceful time together?

Doing things for the families’ mutual good means not approaching things in a haphazard manner. It means planning for not only bad times, but also good times and planning for all the different people within the family unit.

Brainstorming different options and picking the one that will work best is one way to deal with the problems. After picking the one that will work best, look through the possibilities and try to find a good “plan B.”

Many families who have children with special needs find that this strategy becomes second nature.

Sometimes agreements that have been made or contracts that have been drawn up work well. Other times, as a result of stress and a triggering situation or two, all of agreements and contracts seem to fly out the window. Trying to catch things early and changing the direction may work best.