Feeling out of control or feeling that you have little control over your life or life's situations adds to your stress level. When something happens in life that you feel you have little control over, stress seems to abound.

Looking at this through the lens of having a psychiatric diagnosis or a mental illness, while meaning different things to different people, implies some experience of a loss of control. People wanted their lives to go a particular way or in a particular direction, but instead what happens is more like:

Wham! You are not at all well. You are not going to be able to work, at least for a while. You will have trouble attending school, and by the way, we need you to take this medication now.”

 When people are introduced to having a mental illness in such a way, it seems as if control has been wrested away because someone else is now telling them what they can and can't do in their lives.

This can happen when your rights to run your own life are taken away (such as when guardianships, especially full-guardianships, happen). While some people feel relieved when control is taken from them, others feel like they have lost an irreplaceable piece of themselves. Being placed in such a situation is tough. Depending on how you feel about the guardianship, you may become angry and frustrated. If that is true for you, try to find a good outlet for the frustration and anger. You might talk to a friend or a peer-support specialist, take a class in martial arts, try to find a different way to handle things through the person-centered planning process, or you might try exercise.

Feeling in control of our lives, where we want to end up personally and financially, is what most people want and need to happen. This is called a “locus of control.” People who feel they are in control (have a locus of control) are more likely to be satisfied with their lives, feel happier, and feel that they are free. People who don't have a strong locus of control or who feel someone else is in control of their lives often feel depressed, oppressed and powerless.

What can we do to gain more control over our lives?

Here are 6 general tips you can try:

1. Take advantage of the person-centered planning process. Include things that will build the amount of control you have over your life in your goals.
2. Brainstorm your options with a friend. When we are feeling overwhelmed or powerless, our thinking tends to get small. Brainstorming with a friend who views what is happening from a different direction can really help, as they can see different solutions and ideas from their point of view.
3. Learn skills that can help you be more independent, if you desire to learn them. Some people like to learn new things and others are less comfortable with that. If you want to learn new skills, find a class, go to school, etc.
4. Look at what is happening in your life that makes you feel like things are out of control. Is there anything you can do to start things moving in a different direction? Things don't get fixed all at once, but small, incremental steps that build on each other can really help us move on to a different place in our lives.
5. Pay attention to what you are saying to yourself. Keep things as positive as possible. [link to Affirmations page] When we constantly hear or think negative things, our situations can seem much worse than they really are.
6. Is your lifestyle stressing you out? Sometimes the symptoms of our illnesses stress us out. We may feel like the illness that has become a part of our lives is more in control of us than we are. A friend might have some good answers or have been through the same type of experience. Talk to a peer support specialist or talk to another professional.

Taking back control of your life can be a long process, but is a necessary step in your recovery journey.